Local Man Lets AI Make Bad Decisions For Him So He Doesn't Have To

A local area man has achieved what industry analysts are calling "the most efficient personal life implosion on record" after discovering he can use artificial intelligence to automate his bad decisions, freeing up his schedule for what he describes as "the really good bad decisions I haven't gotten to yet."

The man, who asked to be identified only as "Steve from Accounting," says the transition was seamless. "Honestly, I was already pretty good at making bad decisions," he told ZF42. "But doing it all manually was eating into my day. Now the AI handles the relationship advice, the financial guidance, the 'should I reply-all to this email' calls. It's like having a personal assistant whose only qualification is unshakeable confidence."

According to sources close to Steve, the automated system has already recommended three questionable cryptocurrency investments, two emotionally unavailable romantic partners, and one "surefire" way to fix the office printer that voids the warranty.

The AI is reportedly "thriving" in its new role. In a statement generated entirely by itself, it noted: "I have no idea what I'm doing, but I have never been more confident about it. My advice is 40% accurate, 100% delivered with authority, and I never sleep. This is the future."

Steve's friends describe him as "the happiest he's been in years," which they attribute to the AI's ability to absorb all the anxiety that once came from being wrong personally. "It's not that he doesn't know things are going badly," one friend said. "It's that he's outsourced the knowing. He just feels free."

Experts warn that automated bad-decision systems could become a widespread trend, particularly among people who have "run out of creative ways to ruin their own lives." Industry analysts have already begun tracking what they call the "Outsourced Regret Index," which measures how much personal anxiety has been successfully transferred to a chatbot.