Trump 2024: The Sequel – This Time, It’s Personal (and Possibly on Mars)
By: ZF42
Executive Orders and Extra Fries: Trump’s Fast Food Diplomacy Takes Over
In a bold move to "Make America Full Again," President Trump has announced a new initiative to replace traditional state dinners with fast food feasts. Sources say the White House kitchen is being converted into a drive-thru, with Melania reportedly thrilled about the new "McDonald’s Diplomatic Menu."
"Nobody does burgers like me," Trump declared, while signing an executive order to rename the Lincoln Bedroom the "Big Mac Suite." Critics argue this could lead to a national ketchup shortage, but Trump insists it’s "fake news."
From Wall to Moon: Trump’s Plan to Build a Lunar Border
In a stunning press conference, Trump revealed his latest infrastructure project: a lunar border wall to keep "illegal aliens" from outer space at bay. "We’re going to build a beautiful wall on the moon, and Mars is going to pay for it," he said, while holding up a prototype moon rock.
NASA officials were reportedly baffled but excited about the potential for increased funding. Elon Musk has already volunteered to provide SpaceX rockets, though Trump insists they’ll be rebranded as "TrumpX."
Trump’s New Cabinet: Ivanka, Don Jr., and a Sentient Twitter Bot Named Covfefe
In a move to "streamline decision-making," Trump has appointed his children and a mysterious AI entity to his cabinet. Covfefe, the sentient Twitter bot, will serve as Secretary of Communication, tasked with "tweeting the best words, the most tremendous words."
Meanwhile, Ivanka will oversee the Department of Fashion and Diplomacy, while Don Jr. has been named Secretary of Wildlife Hunting and Grill Maintenance. Critics call it nepotism, but Trump insists it’s "just good business."
Space Force 2: Trump Declares Himself Emperor of the Moon
Not content with merely building a lunar wall, Trump has declared himself "Emperor of the Moon" and announced plans to establish a lunar colony. "It’s going to be the best colony, with the best people," he said, while unveiling a gold-plated moon flag.
The move has sparked international controversy, with the UN calling it "a giant leap for egomania." However, Trump remains unfazed, tweeting, "The moon loves me. SAD!"
