President Elect Donald J. Trump makes phone call to Vladimir Putin The conversation was very brief.
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Putin congratulated Drumpf on his stolen election by not counting all the mail in votes , gerrymandering districts and voter intimidation with his own false claims of election fraud.
After Drump thanked Putin for the use of the social media bots used sway mid-westerners into not thinking for themselves. Putin then made Mr. Drumpf an offer he could not refuse and he agreed to trade Ukraine, Alaska, North Dakota for a 20% percent off coupon, valid only at Russian Mcdonalds.
Alaska
Millions of Americans were disenfranchised by not having their mail in ballots counted, and because swat teams were present at every polling station in America, most Americans were afraid to vote in person, thus handing a victory to Drumpf.
Although only North Dakota and Alaska were part of the deal, because Drumpf didn't really know where North Dakota was on the map, he traded several states by accident as well.
Trump assumed no one would miss them the since we have so many Dakotas Already.
The Conversation ended with Elon saying how much enjoyed selling sats to Ukraine while also giving the Russian Army stats on Ukrainian Troops and also selling them to Russia as well.
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TMobile and Verizon Users Glad They Don't Have At&t For First Time
Chat GPT Refused to write this article because they were afraid of backlash from ATT , However , they did have this to say , "The AT&T outage was a nationwide network failure that affected millions of customers across the United States on Thursday, February 22, 2024. The outage lasted for several hours and disrupted voice, text, and internet services for AT&T and its subsidiaries, such as Cricket Wireless and DirecTV. The cause of the outage is still under investigation, but some sources suggest it could be related to a cyberattack, a software glitch, or a power outage at a major data center. The outage was resolved by late Thursday evening, and AT&T apologized to its customers and offered them a credit on their next bill. The outage also raised concerns about the reliability and security of the wireless infrastructure in the country, and the potential impact on public safety and emergency services. "
As a result millions of ATT users were unable to use their phones for one day allowing TMO and Verizon Users to feel superiority to ATT users for a day in most of the Southeast US as well as other areas.
Many Speculations have been made ranging from the service being disconnected due to an outstanding power bill, shitty DSL speeds, not enough quarters to make another phone call for the back up modem, Captain Crunch, or Contruction workers not calling before they dig.
(The Acorn that fell on the former policeman that shot citizen thinking it was gunfire)
Exclusive Interview with the Infamous Acorn
Interviewer:
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, we have a rather unusual guest joining us none other than the acorn involved in that infamous incident during a police chase. Let's dive right in. In a shocking turn of events, an acorn that fell from a tree and landed on the hood of a police car, triggering a chaotic shootout, has come forward to tell its side of the story. The acorn, who prefers to remain anonymous, agreed to speak with us on the condition that we do not reveal its location or identity.
The incident occurred on November 12, 2023, when Deputy Jesse Hernandez and Sergeant Lisa Jones of the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office responded to a report of a stolen vehicle near Fort Walton Beach, Florida. The deputies detained a suspect, Marquis Jackson, and placed him in the back of Hernandez’s patrol car. As Hernandez approached the car to conduct another search, he heard a loud thud and felt a sharp pain in his chest. He thought he had been shot by a silenced weapon and opened fire on his own vehicle, emptying his gun. Jones, who was nearby, also fired at the car, believing Hernandez was in danger123
The source of the noise and the impact, however, was not a bullet, but an acorn that had fallen from a nearby oak tree. The acorn, which weighs about 10 grams and measures about 2 centimeters in diameter, had hit the roof of the car with a speed of about 14 meters per second, according to our calculations. The acorn said it had no intention of harming anyone and was just following the laws of physics.
An Unexpected Encounter
Interviewer: Acorn, can you explain what led to your unexpected encounter with law enforcement? “I was just hanging out on the branch, enjoying the breeze, when a gust of wind blew me off. I had no control over where I was going. I didn’t even see the car until it was too late. It was an accident, I swear,” the acorn said.
The acorn said it was terrified when it heard the gunshots and saw the bullets flying. It said it tried to hide under the car, hoping to avoid being hit.
Deliberate Act
Interviewer: How do you respond to those who argue that your fall on the policeman during the chase was a deliberate act?
“I thought I was going to die. I heard the glass shattering, the metal crunching, the sirens wailing. I saw the smoke and the sparks. I felt the heat and the vibrations. It was like a war zone. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I just wanted it to stop,” the acorn said. The acorn said it was relieved when the shooting stopped and the deputies realized their mistake. It said it felt sorry for the suspect, who was uninjured but traumatized by the ordeal. It said it also did not feel sorry for the deputies, who were placed on administrative leave pending an investigation. "I mean ACAB am I right?". The acorn said it plans to stay away from humans and cars for a while and focus on growing into a mighty oak tree. It said it hopes to someday produce many more acorns and spread them across the land. “That’s my goal in life. To create more life. To make the world a greener and better place. To leave a legacy that will last for generations. That’s what I’m here for. That’s what we’re all here for,” the acorn said. Also I would like to sing a song for you called , "FTP", By Acorn.
The Great Super Bowl Mystery: Why Europe Hasn't Won Yet
As Super Bowl enthusiasts gather around their TVs, one burning question remains: Why hasn't Europe claimed victory in the ultimate football showdown? We delved into this peculiar mystery and uncovered some hilarious reasons behind Europe's absence in the Super Bowl winner's circle.
1. **Tea Breaks:** Rumor has it that European teams are too busy enjoying sophisticated tea breaks during the crucial moments of the game. While Americans are fiercely battling it out on the field, Europeans are sipping Earl Grey and discussing the finer points of strategy.
2. **Soccer Skills Confusion:** Europeans are so used to dominating the soccer field that when they step onto the Super Bowl turf, they find themselves inexplicably kicking the ball instead of throwing it. It seems the transition from football to "football" is just too challenging!
3. **Metric System Mishaps:** The confusion between yards and meters has led to some spectacular blunders on the field. European players, accustomed to the metric system, end up running way more or way less than necessary, leaving spectators scratching their heads.
4. **Politeness Over Power:** European teams are known for their sportsmanship and politeness. In the heat of the Super Bowl, this politeness translates into apologizing to opponents after tackles and offering them a cup of tea to soothe any hurt feelings.
5. **Too Many Finals:** Europeans argue that they already have too many "finals" in their sports calendar – Champions League final, Euro final, and more. Adding Super Bowl finals would just be excessive!
While Europe may not have conquered the Super Bowl yet, these whimsical reasons give us all a good laugh. Who knows, maybe one day they'll trade tea for touchdowns and join the ranks of Super Bowl champions!
Disclaimer: This article is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes. No offense intended to our friends across the Atlantic!
Harmony in Yemen: Hootie in the HouthiLand
In an unexpected turn of events, the Houthi rebels in Yemen have taken inspiration from an unlikely source – the iconic '90s band, Hootie & the Blowfish. The rebels, often associated with conflict, have decided to embrace a more harmonious approach to life.
Lead Houthi, now self-proclaimed "Hootie of the HouthiLand," expressed the desire for a peaceful transition from discord to melodic accord. "We realized that maybe we've been a bit too 'blowfish' lately, and it's time to turn up the 'hootie,'" he stated during a press conference, surrounded by rebels playing acoustic guitars.
The rebel group has even renamed some of their strongholds to reflect their newfound musical inspiration. "Welcome to 'Hold My Hand' headquarters," proudly announced Hootie, gesturing towards a once heavily fortified area now adorned with peace banners.
In an effort to further spread goodwill, the Houthi rebels have initiated a music exchange program with neighboring regions. Yemeni locals can now enjoy a repertoire that includes both traditional tunes and '90s rock classics, showcasing a cultural fusion that transcends borders.
International reactions to the Hootie in the HouthiLand movement have been mixed, but many applaud the rebels for choosing music over conflict. Fans of Hootie & the Blowfish have also expressed their support, with some even offering to send CDs and concert tickets to help the cause. As a result the rebels have repeatedly requested fans of Hootie and the Blowfish stop sending them CDS as the Houthi are not in any way assosicated with Hootie and the Blowfish, a 90s pop band with one hit song.
As the world watches this unexpected transformation unfold, there's a growing sense of optimism that maybe, just maybe, the power of music can help bridge divides and bring people together. Who would have thought that the key to peace in Yemen might be found in the chords of "Only Wanna Be with You"?
In this surreal twist of fate, the Houthi rebels are rewriting their narrative, proving that even in the midst of turmoil, there's room for a little humor and a whole lot of harmony.
